PAIN

PAIN........my latest background thought.......I've heard of people having to go to pain clinics saying they are always in pain, I always thought it was in their mind until I met breast surgery with expanders installed to stretch the skin.
Now don't get me wrong, I understand what is happening ,I look at my poor little chest wanting to tear apart at the middle seam, BUT I am not going to take oxycodon, oxycotin, morphine etc etc to relieve the pain NO none of those are for me....if panadeine cant help - tough - I have to bear it, so bear it I will as I understand this pain is going to stop when I take out expanders and put in implants so I'm not risking getting addicted to painkillers , but friends I now know why people DO get addicted to prescription pills. I go to bed which means no sleeping if I try to turn - waking in the morning and trying to raise myself with all sorts of stabbing pains across my chest, trust me it's not easy....I keep asking myself if a concave chest wouldn't have been easier , my friends tell me easier on the pain but not easier on the eyes and "ms. vain" me might not be trying to push past this bout of cancer with a concave chest.
I who have had 23 surgeries can easily tell you that # 24 has been the absolute worst.I am depressed ,I am in pain, I feel deformed no matter how I'm reassured, I feel old, I feel as if life is passing me by!
I will certainly let you all know after my surgery to put in implants, how I feel as one thing I know for sure is that it must get better as it cannot get any worse!