Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Prayer

There were so many things I wrote about in my mind while I was away from my blog and now I'm back I can't remember a thing LOL.
Today my thoughts are about how much I would have missed if I hadn't made it til now. I would have missed all these school challenge quizzes which happen to be my favourite television shows ....why? they give me hope for my country - the youngsters are just the best - when they get a right answer you can literally see their 'glad bag bust' their eyes light up and they struggle not to smile and they look over to their coaches to get  approval. Some days I'm so tense watching them that I shudder to think what they are going through ....I just watched a repeat broadcast and the little boy from South Borough Primary burst out in tears when he realized time was running out and they were behind...of course among the high schools I would have missed is all of KC's wins -yes , I carry KC in everything quiz, track, football - fortis for life. My greatest joy now though is watching 'no name' schools doing better and better every year. I urge all my peeps to watch SCQ it will warm your heart .....watch it instead of the news and know that Jamaica does have a bright future we just all need to see it .
People ask me all the time what do I do to keep from getting depressed after getting yet another cancer diagnosis - they want to know how do I keep trucking on. Well in my case I never get depressed, I am just getting tired of the fight - feeling fed up .....it's not an easy road and I've had the diagnosis 5 times . The older I get, things that used to not hurt , hurt terribly now. My last biopsy my doctor couldn't believe I was crying as he is not used to that from me but it just hurt so much....as we walked to the lab he said ' Pat you're still crying' I said 'I am don't let it bother you' I cried from he stuck the first needle in me till I went to the cashier to pay for the test, the cashier summed it up best "Ah Mrs. Wright once again my prayers go with you". So what I do to get through it is always to have a prayer in my heart.
My favourite prayers are 'Thank you Father," and " Father help me " short and to the point.
So to all of you - keep a prayer in your heart and on your lips and choose life not depression.
My every morning prayer as I realize that I'm awake is The Prayer of Faith which says -
God is my help in every need
God does my every hunger feed;
God walks beside me, guides my way 
through every moment of this day. 
I now am wise, I now am true, 
patient and kind and loving too. 
All things I am, can do, and be
through Christ the Truth that is in me.
God is my health, I can't be sick 
God is my strength unfailing quick
God is my all, I know no fear
since God and love and truth are here.
God is my wealth, I can't be poor.
God is my true abundant store. 
His indwelling presence brings to me;
health, happiness and prosperity.

Thank you Reverend Sheila!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I'm back

To all of you who were worried that I had expired I'm still hanging in there I've just not felt to write although I've had a lot of thoughts running around my head so definitely lots to say.
In Nov 2012 after my last post I had the greatest 60th birthday party given to me by my close friends - it was sensational Peter Lloyd performed and my son, his ex wife and my grand daughter who all live abroad flew in to surprise me along with a lot of my long time friends from near and far so I was properly surprised.
One thing with being given two weeks to live 36 years ago is that you have lots of fun as people don't wait to appreciate you, they tell and show you daily. In turn I try to pay it forward as it makes me have a better quality of life
While I was away from my blog  I had another run-in with cancer - a lump bubbled to the surface of my left breast so I found out that implants won't prevent lumps from showing up - if they are there they will appear and hopefully you will catch it in time - my Doctor knowing I'm not a chemo / radiation girl had a long talk with me and explained that since it had been sitting there for sometime , as obviously they missed a few cells when they took off my breasts in 2011 , he would advise me to have radiation .
Deep thoughts and plenty money later , I was graduating from radiation oncology with flying colours. As I sat there every week day for 5 weeks for my 15 min treatment , lots of thoughts went through my mind ......why do so many cancer patients have someone with them when coming for radiation if they are able to drive or walk ? Why do we get so worried about cancer? We don't go home and die when we hear we have hypertension or diabetes so why do we get depressed and die when we hear we have cancer?  I feel better to be alone at such times as our family and friends don't deal with the thought of losing us too well  and they all feel we are going to expire at a moment's notice so it's less depressing to be by myself until such time when I need the physical support .... Why do these places look so depressing ? We need positive reinforcement at these times so why can't we make these places pretty???? when people who have been diagnosed with cancer go to Doctors, and they tell us we must continue same way,we mustn't change a thing - that we can eat  jerk pork and drink Pepsi
etc is it because they humour us as they feel we are going to die anyway so let us go out happy ? I think if we doing something and it hurts us shouldn't we change what we are doing and try and clean up our act or won't it come back? Anyway enough rambling for one Sunday morning it's great to be back!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Without vision and foresight we shall surely perish

I had a few things on my bucket list and although I've never loved travelling, the Panama Canal was on it so since I have a big birthday coming up off I went last week.
Well first of all the shock of seeing Panama for the first time was so great as I did not expect  to see somewhere looking like Miami beach with all the newly built condos. Everywhere I looked there was new construction - just like Bermuda in the poor areas everyone had a dish on the roof . All areas are being refurbished rich and poor, business and residential. It was obvious investment was pouring in.  Hyundai and  Kia,  the major presence on the road with Porsche and Audi the hi-end cars of choice.
I never once got a pop down feel of the country or did I feel scared at anytime day or night and the tour guides told you certain areas you need to be careful on entering just like anywhere in the world. Im sure they have their issues which i couldnt see in 3 days but trust me im going back to find out.
During the height of the tourist season they have 24 cruise ships per day we are glad to have 2 per week.
After viewing the canal (one of the reasons man feel they are God),  I heard of the student riots and after much blood shed the USA, who had come in after the French and finished building the canal, finally turned it over to the Panamanians . I got to understand that Panama started booming around 10 years ago when they started getting the US$10 million per day that the canal brings in .
The point is though that here is a little country - 3.5million people- and the Govt. is putting the money into the country and not into their pockets.You can see vision and planning - free health services which includes every tourist landing there being given free medical insurance, free  public school education , no income taxes - there is retail taxes of 7% on all purchases.There is recycling -everywhere you see the 3 bins, paper, glass, plastic. The downtown area is full so they are building huge parking lots in the sea and only foot traffic will be allowed there.
I received a pamphlet  on arrival which on reading i found out that i was entitled to 30 days free health insurance  as a tourist.....really?
JAMAICA WHEN ARE OUR YOUNG PEOPLE GOING TO RISE UP WITH VISION AND FORESIGHT AND TELL EACH RESPECTIVE GOVT ENUFF IS ENUFF!!!!!
And while we are at it have the roads to Bogue Heights been done yet so tourist can go and see where Mr Bolt and Mr Blake are from? Have we lined the streets with vendors selling roast yam yet to tell the people that's what they eat :) and have we organized tours to the training camps yet ? NO we are busy complaining that the athletes were given money and how they dressed when they went to receive same.We are busy chopping off heads and shooting and raping  and those of us who are upset say we are scared  and run off to America never thinking to make a mark in our own country.
THANKS TO YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE MARVIN HALL WHO IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE BY CONTRIBUTING HIS TIME AND TALENT TO MAKING OUR HOMELAND A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Return to love

As a faithful watcher of OWN ,  I have been watching some old Oprah shows with Marianne Williamson and realized that what she has been preaching in her book RETURN TO LOVE would be amazing if each and every one of us tried to practice love. The older I get the easier it has been for me to practice love and I hope the energy we put out worldwide, especially with what's happening in the middle east, means that we all can return to love. I have found that in the middle of the chaos and turmoil if we can center ourselves and love - just love - it makes life so easy. It lessens the pain immediately and the stress goes.
I have always tried to be honest with myself and others and when I was younger I didn't know how to temper my honesty but now I do - so instead of earning enemies I get people who now understand what I'm  trying to say so they listen. I have no road rage - I get where I'm going easily and find it unsettling to drive with anyone who constantly is cussing as they drive. I find my workplace a more peaceful place and my home life serene - try it, you might find that your whole being comes alive and your surroundings become tranquil  as you return to love!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Divorced after 30 years of marriage - how do I feel? Happy , free, untangled? Makes no difference to me really  as out of the 30 years we may have spent 12 together. What we are is good friends . Always been - we started that way and have ended that way. Never have we been able to reconcile our love with living together. He is logical - I'm creative . He is careful over money and life I am carefree and come what may. One thing we did though was love each other. We really put our vows of "in sickness and in health"  to the test and we both  passed with flying colours .Through all my illnesses he has always been there and his major surgery found me at his side with both of us not knowing that I was about to experience round 2 of colon cancer. One very funny incident happened one day when he went into hospital to have a minor surgical procedure and i went to get him , i was in so much pain that he ended up driving me home to Mobay 120 miles away instead of me driving him to our house in Kingston.
I now realize after working on myself over the years and 2 failed marriages , that its not about them it's about me and not all of us are cut out for marriage - relationships are fine but marriage no - I'm good all by myself . On our 30th anniversary his comment to me when I called to wish him happy anniversary, was ' our relationship is better than most. ' How true that is.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Missing food that's not good for me

Food ....... what do I eat ?
Hunger is such a pain these days . I want to stay raw as that's how I do best and feel best but is it boring to me?  Yes. Why? Because I am a carnivore. I don't need to eat cooked food but I do need a steak every now and then - you could throw in a pork chop too and then there is white rum and cranberry ,and magnum and evaporated milk all my loves are a no no. Curry goat and rice ,stew peas with pig's tail,ox tail, fried chicken,crusty kaiser roll or French bread - I could go on . Nowhere in  my DNA does it say Donna Patricia loves green food. I will eat it, preferably drink it but I don't love it- I will drink the juices all forms the greener the better as sugar has never been a problem for me - not for me are the kales and  carrots and salads ,I'll eat the mushrooms and Brussels sprouts and broccoli especially with a porterhouse steak.I never have to wonder how I came to have had cancer 4 times - I ate myself there . I never met a bowl of roasted peanuts (not the tin ones) that didn't have my name attached to it- did I say burnt food? Rice  (bun pot bottom ) BBQ burnt on the outside pink on the inside,cashew all tips dark ,anything with the flavour of a little burn has my name on it. Why I sit and mourn over these things I will never know as when I'm eating healthily I bound out of bed ready for my day and I have no spare tyres anywhere especially under the breast where all women my age keep a truck tyre - I am free of those things so why?.
A dozen crabs, crusty bread and a beer,great way to spend an evening -well that's not my life any more so it brings us to the age old question ,is life worth living without doing what you love to do? 

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Being in a happy place

It's so interesting to see that Deepak Chopra is trying to tell us that no matter what we do, no matter what we take, nothing will work unless we are in a happy place - our mind is our entire body not just in our brain - most interesting talk I've heard in a long time. In other words if we don't choose to be happy we don't choose life!
It brought to mind the part of the movie Marley where Judy Mowatt said that the next concert Bob was going to give after his diagnosis of cancer spreading everywhere,  I think it was in Pittsburgh, she said it was the longest sound check she had ever gone through in all her years of working with him - 3 hours and he only played one song 'I'm a hurting inside' - that should be called cancer patients' anthem as no matter how well we are doing, the pain is always inside. Deepak Chopra's observation of the need to be in a happy place cannot be overestimated - in the movie Cindy said that at the time she wanted Bob to come back to Jamaica , smoke the biggest spliff, stay in St. Ann and just enjoy his life but the men in his life said no and sent him off to the only doctor who had ever cured a melanoma and he was located  in Germany.
Now you tell me where would Bob have been happiest living out his last days ? In St. Ann, Jamaica among his peeps or knee deep in snow with strangers fighting for his life. Maybe he would have lasted even another year - and more importantly live out his last days in a happier frame of mind.