When looking for a spouse RULE ONE IS if it's not right going in , it is going to be worse coming out. Too many people think once they get married things will change. It will change but not for the better...........
I got married for the first time at 21, even now i wonder why , but i think it was to get out of my parent's house. Being an adoption i knew they didn`t want me to leave and i felt i would be disrespecting if i moved into an apt. Remember in Jamaica in the late 60`s, early 70`s apts. were a new phenomenon. So i got married.....That was a sham but a beautiful child came from it so i give thanks..... a little battered and bruised but a whole lot smarter, one always has to learn the lesson to move on........
Spouse number 2 came along , a totally different person from husband number 1 although being born 2 days apart in the same year. This one lasted much longer but again we split.
What it pointed to was ME, and going into marriage for all the wrong reasons. Once i came to the realization that it had nothing to do with them, it was me and only me, I stopped playing the blame game and started my long lesson of trying to work on myself.
It hasn`t been easy but it certainly has been interesting as we learn daily, monthly, yearly, backslide and climb up again.
Nine out of ten of us marry for the wedding and not the marriage.......marriage is hard work, it has its ups and its downs.....It is boring and sometimes it's interesting but what it is is comfortable....U know u are going to have someone to shoot the breeze with for a long time if we last though the boredom and the traumas and the stress and the tears.
My aunt always used to tell me "look at us now, suppose i had left him when we were young i couldn`t have known we were going to live this long?".....he left her by dying at 86, but he had run road in his younger days and she had waited on him to come home... come home he did and they had a wonderful life together so she couldn`t understand why we young women couldn`t be more patient...I guess we wanted it all, all of the time, not some of the time.........
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT IN LIFE
I got an e-mail recently where this woman on turning 50 decided to write 45 things she had learnt in life. She is a breast cancer survivor so immediately people asked me if i could write what life has taught me......45 is a bit much but here are the 26 important ones life has taught me at age 55.
1)Don`t sweat the small stuff,trivia is just that,trivia.DON`T TAKE IT ON........
2)Good friends are really better than pocket money.
3)Love makes everything better
4)Snuggling under a comforter with your love on a rainy day is just as good as sex
5)A good book makes u forget all problems
6)THIS TOO WILL PASS, IT REALLY WILL!
7)Not only believe..KNOW
8)Falling in love and loving are 2 different things
9)Good sheets are worth every cent.
10)There is nothing as uncomfortable as shoes that are too small
11)Shopping really does make u feel better
12)Bad breath is the worst body odor
13)Having a child really makes u able to love unconditionally
14)Music soothes the spirit
15)U really do not need a bigger house or 3 cars, U JUST NEED TO BE COMFORTABLE.
16)Simple is always better
17)We can get by on far less food, we eat too much.
18)Work from your passion....only way to succeed and be happy
19)Giving is the greatest pick me up.
20)Never say u have nothing to give.....you always have something.
21)Practice to stay in the now
22)The mind is EVERYTHING.
23)Turning EVERYTHING over to GOD, makes life much easier
24)SPIRITUALITY has NOTHING to do with RELIGION
25)ALL THINGS , I MEAN EVERYTHING U CAN TOUCH FEEL AND SEE INCLUDING MONEY IS ENERGY.
26) What is going on with our inner conciousness is far more important than what's going on in the outer world.
If it is well with your soul, then ALL IS WELL.
1)Don`t sweat the small stuff,trivia is just that,trivia.DON`T TAKE IT ON........
2)Good friends are really better than pocket money.
3)Love makes everything better
4)Snuggling under a comforter with your love on a rainy day is just as good as sex
5)A good book makes u forget all problems
6)THIS TOO WILL PASS, IT REALLY WILL!
7)Not only believe..KNOW
8)Falling in love and loving are 2 different things
9)Good sheets are worth every cent.
10)There is nothing as uncomfortable as shoes that are too small
11)Shopping really does make u feel better
12)Bad breath is the worst body odor
13)Having a child really makes u able to love unconditionally
14)Music soothes the spirit
15)U really do not need a bigger house or 3 cars, U JUST NEED TO BE COMFORTABLE.
16)Simple is always better
17)We can get by on far less food, we eat too much.
18)Work from your passion....only way to succeed and be happy
19)Giving is the greatest pick me up.
20)Never say u have nothing to give.....you always have something.
21)Practice to stay in the now
22)The mind is EVERYTHING.
23)Turning EVERYTHING over to GOD, makes life much easier
24)SPIRITUALITY has NOTHING to do with RELIGION
25)ALL THINGS , I MEAN EVERYTHING U CAN TOUCH FEEL AND SEE INCLUDING MONEY IS ENERGY.
26) What is going on with our inner conciousness is far more important than what's going on in the outer world.
If it is well with your soul, then ALL IS WELL.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
THIS TOO SHALL PASS.....What a powerful statement...I have said it often from i was a teenager till now. Saying it and NOT thinking about the meaning ,saying it AND thinking about the meaning. Now it's just a mantra i use when i need certain things to pass through my life quickly. I have stopped labeling things as sad or bad.
So those words make me realize that everything is only for a time . It centers me......Takes me out of the drama of life.
I have been saying to someone close to me the past few days "don`t get caught up in the drama of life, " knowing they are having a hard time doing so, but in telling them i am telling myself too. When we stay detached we can view what's happening to us instead of being caught up with what's happening......No matter how people will say u are cold you will know that this is the only way to experience the peace that u need to have when things don`t seem as they should . This person tells me they are not caught up in the drama they are "very calm" .No matter how u might seem calm on the outside, u are achieving nothing if your thoughts are spinning out of control on the inside.
We suffer unnecessarily in life .......If we stay detached we lessen the pain.
We have always heard over the years that when people behave badly or quarrel with u it's not usually for the reason they say....and if we feel bad it's not their fault it's us taking it on...... and the only person who can make u feel bad is u. Well those statements are all true. We need to enjoy life without giving too much importance to things that have none.
We need to stop THINKING so much and BE more.
I have never been able to have quiet time successfully .......I need to enjoy the sound of silence, BUT THAT HAS NEVER BEEN POSSIBLE FOR ME......... There always has to be background music, or the sound of a TV. It is very hard for me to meditate as the constant chatter in my mind doesn`t stop.
My holistic practitioner says that those of us in commerce have too much internal dialogue.....Well as i`m writing this there is no TV on, no ipod playing, only the birds singing and cars whizzing by, and i realized this morning by not labeling the cars as noise, they make a really nice sound not much different from a wave rolling in.
AGAIN PERCEPTION.
So those words make me realize that everything is only for a time . It centers me......Takes me out of the drama of life.
I have been saying to someone close to me the past few days "don`t get caught up in the drama of life, " knowing they are having a hard time doing so, but in telling them i am telling myself too. When we stay detached we can view what's happening to us instead of being caught up with what's happening......No matter how people will say u are cold you will know that this is the only way to experience the peace that u need to have when things don`t seem as they should . This person tells me they are not caught up in the drama they are "very calm" .No matter how u might seem calm on the outside, u are achieving nothing if your thoughts are spinning out of control on the inside.
We suffer unnecessarily in life .......If we stay detached we lessen the pain.
We have always heard over the years that when people behave badly or quarrel with u it's not usually for the reason they say....and if we feel bad it's not their fault it's us taking it on...... and the only person who can make u feel bad is u. Well those statements are all true. We need to enjoy life without giving too much importance to things that have none.
We need to stop THINKING so much and BE more.
I have never been able to have quiet time successfully .......I need to enjoy the sound of silence, BUT THAT HAS NEVER BEEN POSSIBLE FOR ME......... There always has to be background music, or the sound of a TV. It is very hard for me to meditate as the constant chatter in my mind doesn`t stop.
My holistic practitioner says that those of us in commerce have too much internal dialogue.....Well as i`m writing this there is no TV on, no ipod playing, only the birds singing and cars whizzing by, and i realized this morning by not labeling the cars as noise, they make a really nice sound not much different from a wave rolling in.
AGAIN PERCEPTION.
Monday, April 21, 2008
FALLING IN LOVE
Why can`t love last? The answer is true love is very rare.
Is it because what we do is called "falling in love" which Eckhart Tolle says is "in most cases an intensification of EGOIC wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person , or rather to your image of that person ...... IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRUE LOVE WHICH CONTAINS NO WANTING WHATSOEVER".
We go into these relationships with the best intentions in the world and they can`t last...to me if the marriage cannot last the love should......but most of us get married when we are " in love ". When the passion is talking ,so we hold our perception of the person as THE person , so when the real person appears with their "pain-bodies" in tow, the "love" flies through the window.
During the most painful time, the separating, when it hits us that the relationship as we know it will end, we immediately get into the victim role. If no love is there then we didn`t have it in the first place. As that's the time love will rise up and take us through.
When one's relationship changes , where does love go? Isn`t it the same person we stood up and said in front of God and man that we would love for the rest of our lives......And when we are about to change that commitment shouldn`t we give it a good amount of time and let the dust settle? Or do we just rush in and out enjoying the drama of the moment . No matter how we say we don`t want it we are so into the drama and the attention.
We get caught up into the wedding instead of the marriage and we get caught up in the "he said, she said" at the end.
Life comes at us in cycles, it ebbs and flows.
When we are AWARE , we will be able to SEE what is really happening,and we will be able to see the reality of the situation instead of our perception of the situation.
With age has come what my staff calls mellowing they say i have mellowed. What they are feeling is me becoming aware that i am playing many roles in life and the role i play as their boss i had totally identified with. I now realize its not authentic so i`m trying to recognize the fact that i`m playing to who i think they are and not who they really are. Just as how husband, wife, mother, father is MAJOR ROLE PLAYING.
"Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role".
Is it because what we do is called "falling in love" which Eckhart Tolle says is "in most cases an intensification of EGOIC wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person , or rather to your image of that person ...... IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRUE LOVE WHICH CONTAINS NO WANTING WHATSOEVER".
We go into these relationships with the best intentions in the world and they can`t last...to me if the marriage cannot last the love should......but most of us get married when we are " in love ". When the passion is talking ,so we hold our perception of the person as THE person , so when the real person appears with their "pain-bodies" in tow, the "love" flies through the window.
During the most painful time, the separating, when it hits us that the relationship as we know it will end, we immediately get into the victim role. If no love is there then we didn`t have it in the first place. As that's the time love will rise up and take us through.
When one's relationship changes , where does love go? Isn`t it the same person we stood up and said in front of God and man that we would love for the rest of our lives......And when we are about to change that commitment shouldn`t we give it a good amount of time and let the dust settle? Or do we just rush in and out enjoying the drama of the moment . No matter how we say we don`t want it we are so into the drama and the attention.
We get caught up into the wedding instead of the marriage and we get caught up in the "he said, she said" at the end.
Life comes at us in cycles, it ebbs and flows.
When we are AWARE , we will be able to SEE what is really happening,and we will be able to see the reality of the situation instead of our perception of the situation.
With age has come what my staff calls mellowing they say i have mellowed. What they are feeling is me becoming aware that i am playing many roles in life and the role i play as their boss i had totally identified with. I now realize its not authentic so i`m trying to recognize the fact that i`m playing to who i think they are and not who they really are. Just as how husband, wife, mother, father is MAJOR ROLE PLAYING.
"Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role".
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
AWAKENING TO A NEW ME
HOW YOU REACT TO PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS, ESPECIALLY AS CHALLENGES ARISE, IS THE BEST INDICATOR OF HOW DEEPLY YOU KNOW YOURSELF - Eckhart Tolle
In my last blog I wrote about giving not knowing that Eckhart Tolle`s chapter 7 is all about that......so today I begun reading chapter 7 thinking i was going to find out who i truly am, but it's all about giving, therefore being aware so u can find out who u truly are. I thought i was aware, but while reading the chapter i had such an experience that i know before this book is finished i might BECOME truly aware so i can really figure out what my life`s purpose is....i have an idea and its getting clearer day by day......
In the previous chapters we have been learning about ego and the roles we play and what our painbody is etc. I thought i had somewhat evolved as i`ve been working on myself for a very long time but knowing fully well i haven`t reached far enough as i wouldn`t be manifesting all these health issues if i had....
I have gone from what do i want to what does life want from me? Two entirely different statements trust me ......
So I who normally internalize most things that upset me, unless i`m at work, found myself throwing a tantrum of no mean order using words i would never ordinarily use - this was all done on line but it was like doing it face to face and the only way i can describe it is, i was having a hissy fit .......... why? A person who i have called a friend my entire adult life, let me down.......My mother always told me that those of us who know better must do better.... well i couldn`t stop carrying on.......i ranted and raved, i could hear myself, i could hear my mother, i even heard Eckhart Tolle and Oprah but i wouldn`t stop.
I guess i needed to get whatever it was out........ It had nothing to do with what was happening in that moment, but we know what we rant and rave about is normally not the reason we are ranting and raving anyway.......
It had years of baggage behind it. I was just tired of being used or should i say i was tired of constantly allowing myself to be used , I guess seeing the "ego" in them strengthened the "ego" in myself but guess what? TO BE AWARE is everything so as Mr. Tolle says " when you realize that what you react to in others is also in you, you become aware of your own ego. At that stage you may also realize that you were doing to others what you thought others were doing to you. YOU CEASE SEEING YOURSELF AS A VICTIM."
Lesson learnt sir!
In my last blog I wrote about giving not knowing that Eckhart Tolle`s chapter 7 is all about that......so today I begun reading chapter 7 thinking i was going to find out who i truly am, but it's all about giving, therefore being aware so u can find out who u truly are. I thought i was aware, but while reading the chapter i had such an experience that i know before this book is finished i might BECOME truly aware so i can really figure out what my life`s purpose is....i have an idea and its getting clearer day by day......
In the previous chapters we have been learning about ego and the roles we play and what our painbody is etc. I thought i had somewhat evolved as i`ve been working on myself for a very long time but knowing fully well i haven`t reached far enough as i wouldn`t be manifesting all these health issues if i had....
I have gone from what do i want to what does life want from me? Two entirely different statements trust me ......
So I who normally internalize most things that upset me, unless i`m at work, found myself throwing a tantrum of no mean order using words i would never ordinarily use - this was all done on line but it was like doing it face to face and the only way i can describe it is, i was having a hissy fit .......... why? A person who i have called a friend my entire adult life, let me down.......My mother always told me that those of us who know better must do better.... well i couldn`t stop carrying on.......i ranted and raved, i could hear myself, i could hear my mother, i even heard Eckhart Tolle and Oprah but i wouldn`t stop.
I guess i needed to get whatever it was out........ It had nothing to do with what was happening in that moment, but we know what we rant and rave about is normally not the reason we are ranting and raving anyway.......
It had years of baggage behind it. I was just tired of being used or should i say i was tired of constantly allowing myself to be used , I guess seeing the "ego" in them strengthened the "ego" in myself but guess what? TO BE AWARE is everything so as Mr. Tolle says " when you realize that what you react to in others is also in you, you become aware of your own ego. At that stage you may also realize that you were doing to others what you thought others were doing to you. YOU CEASE SEEING YOURSELF AS A VICTIM."
Lesson learnt sir!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
GIVING
This is the LAST thing i`m going to say about the DEMOCRATIC party trying to find a candidate for the November elections.
THE RACE NEEDS TO STOP, IT'S GETTING OLD AND TIRED. IT NEEDS TO STOP NOW ....THEY HAVE GONE FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS....... OBAMA IS NOT SAYING ANYTHING THAT'S NOT TRUE........THE JUMPING ALL OVER HIM IS RIDICULOUS. THE MEDIA IS TOO EXCITED ABOUT THIS RACE. HE`S TALKING FROM HIS HEART, isnt that what we said we wanted ? so in the spirit of giving LET'S GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
When u give, do u do it from the core? Do u do it without thinking? Do u do it with conditions or unconditionally?
There is a saying that u must not give unless u can afford to lose what u give meaning that u will never get it back but what if u r just helping someone out of a situation........And u didn`t plan on giving.
When your world is crashing around u because u have given out of faith what do u do ? You continue to hold to faith and you trust the father....remember u wouldn`t have had what to lend without the Father.......... and no matter what it looks like.......... What's the worst that can happen ? You don`t get it back ? You loaned more than you had ? Thats not possible. You might have loaned what u THOUGHT you needed but guess what EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.....
Giving is something that causes more friends to fall apart than anything else, but if the person is really a friend and they are in a bind u just love them through it . There is no other way.
People think they have to have money to give........Not true....You can give anything.......a listening ear, a kind word.......A second chance........Sometimes even a third chance, kindness is always giving .
Helping out a situation means u have given. Only good can come from giving , so don`t get down about giving and it not coming back to you ,trust me it does and not necessarily from where you gave...........That's the best thank you of all!
THE RACE NEEDS TO STOP, IT'S GETTING OLD AND TIRED. IT NEEDS TO STOP NOW ....THEY HAVE GONE FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS....... OBAMA IS NOT SAYING ANYTHING THAT'S NOT TRUE........THE JUMPING ALL OVER HIM IS RIDICULOUS. THE MEDIA IS TOO EXCITED ABOUT THIS RACE. HE`S TALKING FROM HIS HEART, isnt that what we said we wanted ? so in the spirit of giving LET'S GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
When u give, do u do it from the core? Do u do it without thinking? Do u do it with conditions or unconditionally?
There is a saying that u must not give unless u can afford to lose what u give meaning that u will never get it back but what if u r just helping someone out of a situation........And u didn`t plan on giving.
When your world is crashing around u because u have given out of faith what do u do ? You continue to hold to faith and you trust the father....remember u wouldn`t have had what to lend without the Father.......... and no matter what it looks like.......... What's the worst that can happen ? You don`t get it back ? You loaned more than you had ? Thats not possible. You might have loaned what u THOUGHT you needed but guess what EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.....
Giving is something that causes more friends to fall apart than anything else, but if the person is really a friend and they are in a bind u just love them through it . There is no other way.
People think they have to have money to give........Not true....You can give anything.......a listening ear, a kind word.......A second chance........Sometimes even a third chance, kindness is always giving .
Helping out a situation means u have given. Only good can come from giving , so don`t get down about giving and it not coming back to you ,trust me it does and not necessarily from where you gave...........That's the best thank you of all!
Monday, April 14, 2008
DARE TO DREAM
In life, do we take risks? Do we follow our gut?Do we dare to dream? And after we dream how many of us follow up on it? Had lunch with a friend on Sunday who has done just that - Dared to dream and then followed up on it in a serious way.
U know ideas are there for each and everyone....they come to us all and we can choose to follow them or leave them alone.How many of us choose to leave them alone then say some one stole our idea?
We are not prepared to do the work but if we are to reap the success, we have to do the work.
Case in point remember the man i told u about some time ago that was making a machine from radio waves to treat tumours (JAN 5TH - 2000LOVE) Well there he was on 60 mins last night...The machine has 2 university hospitals checking it out....His only fear is that he might not be around to see it work on the first patient as it's now just being tested by two very excited doctors, and his time is limited.
What are the chances of one of the big companies taking it up and putting the big bucks behind it to speed up the process? None......It will mess up their drug sales as no drug is used with it, and because it pinpoints the tumor, it doesn`t destroy anywhere else, so the tumor might disappear and leave everything else intact and we worse won`t need them...oh dear.....
Mark my words no matter how long it takes it's going to work........Remember all he started out with was his wife`s pots and pans, and because of him i know, we are going to stop destroying all our cells to kill a few.....
SOMEONE DARED TO DREAM
U know ideas are there for each and everyone....they come to us all and we can choose to follow them or leave them alone.How many of us choose to leave them alone then say some one stole our idea?
We are not prepared to do the work but if we are to reap the success, we have to do the work.
Case in point remember the man i told u about some time ago that was making a machine from radio waves to treat tumours (JAN 5TH - 2000LOVE) Well there he was on 60 mins last night...The machine has 2 university hospitals checking it out....His only fear is that he might not be around to see it work on the first patient as it's now just being tested by two very excited doctors, and his time is limited.
What are the chances of one of the big companies taking it up and putting the big bucks behind it to speed up the process? None......It will mess up their drug sales as no drug is used with it, and because it pinpoints the tumor, it doesn`t destroy anywhere else, so the tumor might disappear and leave everything else intact and we worse won`t need them...oh dear.....
Mark my words no matter how long it takes it's going to work........Remember all he started out with was his wife`s pots and pans, and because of him i know, we are going to stop destroying all our cells to kill a few.....
SOMEONE DARED TO DREAM
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