Friday, February 29, 2008

HEALTHY FOOD RESTAURANTS/TEST RESULTS

Every time we think of socializing, food is wrapped in there somewhere..........Do u realize our life revolves around food? If we are meeting a friend to hang out and chat it's at somewhere to eat or drink.
Everywhere that does vegetarian food is not somewhere that I would like to hang out and eat, and forget "live" food........ where would i find that?
So what we need in Jamaica is a NICE place that has healthy food. Not that there are not restaurants with healthy food out there but restaurants for people like me who can`t eat broccoli in cheese sauce because my immune system is compromised.....there is nowhere for us....... Any thing to do with health, the places are dingy. Just like how many people associate Rasta as "dutty rasta" (which is why they look down on locks)... healthy food is associated with "lowgrade", so they are located in "lowgrade" places. We associate healthy food with ital, sorry doesn`t have to be...live food is delicious. We don`t have to eat tofu and brown rice, there are tons of options. Why can`t we have places looking like Mac`s and Norma's at Devon House but serving "live" food. There must be a lot of people like me out there.
If u don`t give us delicious food that is healthy how are we going to leave our jerk pork and chicken? Are we to go to boil yam and bake chicken and steam carrot with tofu? How are we going to give up Cheetos and Doritos ? What are we to snack on? Trust me pumpkin seed pate wrapped in nori is a great snack, also there is ice cream we can eat but it has to be specially made......lots of great food to be had, someone needs to do it.
I`m sure the diabetics and high blood pressure people would welcome this. Don`t tell me its not a big enough market...what has happened to the prevention market? The people who are trying to eat well even once in a while.If not a place for us can someone with a nice location hire one of these raw food chefs to cater to us. Then I can have fun and have somewhere to hang out too...happy hour food of carrot and celery sticks with mayonnaise filled dips is not healthy food.
Red wine here i come!
No matter how u think u r not stressed u are. I proved it on Tuesday......Cancer always hangs over your head no matter how hard u try. I told u i was going to do my tests well by the time i started driving in to Kingston my shoulders were SO TENSE, I was in pain. I could barely move. I was so irritable , everything was a problem. After doing the tests, maybe its the relaxant they gave me, i had no pains and aches and certainly not in my shoulders...........Whether I like it or not I was obviously stressed....worried???? i don`t think so but i was something!!!!!! I knew I was fine so why ? because u never KNOW FOR SURE............thats why.
So I walk in and my doctor says " U LOOK AMAZING WHAT ARE U DOING?" I say " taking glyco nutrients and trying to eat raw"
I wasn`t too taken by what he said as this particular doctor last saw me when i had pseudo membrane disease , and before that when i was in a hospital bed writhing in pain......so i said to myself he is seeing the real me for the first time......Well he did my flexible sigmoidoscopy...........And then he told me that i look as good inside as i do outside......on to today when i got the call from my oncologist.
'PAT IT IS UNBELIEVABLE U R DOING SOOOO WELL" She gave me the stats and she told me that what was even more mindboggling is that my HB keeps going up its 14.6 now......can u imagine coming from a HB of 4?
Seems as if i`m doing very well for someone with DUKE C colon cancer........
GIVE THANKS, TILL NEXT TIME!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

U R WHAT U THINK

WORRY KILLS YOUR MANIFESTING VIBRATION, but PANIC takes it to a whole new level.
PANIC just attracts more to be panicked about.
Over-reacting and allowing irrational emotions to overwhelm your rational thinking is one sure way to guarantee that u will be manifesting what U DON`T WANT.
We put it out there and are surprised when what we don`t want comes back. I had my aha moment years ago , but as u r never too old to learn another moment came to me recently. The fact that we must stop using what u don`t want in your prayers. It's not i don`t want to be SICK , its thank u for wellness. Its not i don`t want to be poor its i`m a rich child of GOD. We always focus on what we don`t want and the universe takes up our fear vibrations and thats what we get........We say we r going to eat properly but what does that mean to you? what are we saying? what are we doing? what are we thinking? We say we r thinking positive thoughts but we put in grills for safety......just in case...........What does that mean?We say we will get by no matter what .......GOD takes care of us.......But when our back is against the wall, DO WE BELIEVE?
We are just understanding manifestation....We didn`t know about these things years ago, we all are having ahah moments..We really should thank Oprah. She stood when everyone told her she was stupid to take her show on a spiritual path and leave the sensationalism alone....... She didn`t panic, she held to her dream so she has fared very well.
I told u before that worry solves nothing..........If u can change things there is no need to worry and if u can`t change things there is even more reason not to worry.
Don`t we have dreams? Can`t we manifest our dreams if we put them out in the universe.
My dream is to have people stop eating processed food
and kill themselves with chemicals that cover the problem, not solve the problem. To make people not panic when they hear life has caught up with them.

Today my close friend who lives in ocho rios was rushed to the hospital in deep distress. Eating badly, and not eating,has finally caught up with her. I hope she got the memo.
Some of us get the memo, but we tear it up.
We then panic when we get the diagnosis and proceed to worry our way into the grave.....Come on we enjoyed those meals, we enjoyed that lifestyle. Nobody forced it down our throat. It was fun. It was delicious. We didn`t KNOW we were killing ourselves.
So lets not worry and panic .Time now to enjoy or as a friend of mine says let's not END JOY time to Fulljoy health........ we will be FULLOFJOY therefore we will manifest health.

Monday, February 25, 2008

DERRICK FOR OBAMA

Derrick.........
First heard about him when one of my"children" Marvin told me about him and introduced him to my son, then i was hearing about him from both Sajato and Marvin, always something to do with music.....He was here he was there seems as if he was everywhere as I knew he was in Jamaica too.
Well all of a sudden THIS YOU TUBE VIDEO ARRIVES IN MY MAIL BOX AND I SAY WOW, WHO IS THIS ENLIGHTENED YOUNG MAN? HAVEN`T SEEN A YOUNG PERSON SO INFORMED FROM THE "AGE OF AQUARIUS." Back then some of us were fighting for black power and some wanted the US troops to be out of Vietnam, but informed we were..... communism, capitalism, cold war......even those of us stoned out of our minds knew what was happening..........
Now, Derrick stands out in the crowd...........informed young person thinking out his decisions........This interviewer certainly got more than he bargained for as Derrick looks very unassuming till he opens his mouth.Looks like this election has really brought out the young vote in an important way...........They say McCain's audience is old white men....The Democrats, both of them have the young people out and excited.
The spelling of the name is what got me first not many Derycks` spell their name Derrick. He said he was a musician ,and i don`t know, i just felt a vibe.....after all we r now a global village ,so i called Saj immediately. "Is that your Derrick? "
YES IT IS.........Pleased to meet u Derrick!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

MUSINGS

Interesting times , my mail box is filled with doctors and nurses now awaking and warning of pharma poison, and how we r killing ourselves....

I am so proud of myself for going through FLU and not succumbing to Theraflu or anything like that.........

Why would I know that if i eat certain things they will hurt me yet go straight ahead and do that?

Why do i pray every morning and give thanks all day , yet i have periods when i can only say thank u father and nothing else? Is anything else needed?

A friend of mine says its all about prevent instead of repent.....but will we do that if we don`t get a jerk?

Are people aware when they dislike someone intensely ,it's something inside themselves that they dislike and are seeing in the other person.
think about it.
I don`t like confrontation,wonder where i got that from?

What can i do to u with a bad attitude and words?

Why would i harbour malice? How does that help anything?

I`m just thinking these thoughts especially the last two as i watch my staff keeping malice with each other over one calling another "clean up" this is someone who eats everything in sight... ...what is that to malice about? If u r a clean up u r a cleanup what's the big thing? too funny!
People are so strange they quarrel over nothing......why? We quarrel because we want to be right no matter how wrong we are..........
Today i`m in wonderment over the fact that every one i know who got cancer around the same time as me has died..my son in new jersey just told me his neighbour died.I remember suggesting she try glyco nutrients to fight her breast cancer as she had been having chemo for over a year to no avail......then she told me she was doing better since the chemo stopped, but she still didn`t take me on with my suggestion...... I know she thought she had beat it.
I look around and realize the people who are standing that i know are all the new ones, the ones diagnosed late last year....but no one in my cancer circle from 2006 is around......... scary!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Even with flu: OBAMA

GRASPING AT STRAWS.....yes that's what's happening in the race for the Presidency of the United States of America.....The Clintons didn`t believe they would be where they r now so they r grasping at straws...........what a vibe though! People really couldn`t care less how inexperienced Barack Obama is, in fact that's what they want, someone far far away from what they r used to.........
I think the whole world is tired of business as usual..........so anyone that can offer them something different ........here they come....
What i really love though is the feeling, the vibe of a movement gathering steam along the way...........It's the greatest thing to watch people realizing that there is a chance that this can be, believing that the power lies with them and they CAN make it happen....So personally I think it's all over.
Donald Trump says " to be a success ,you have to be able to withstand pressure"
Obama has that, watch him diffuse the "need for any kind of news media".........he dismisses them......never flustered...
The amusing news about McCain must have been started by him, as he can barely move, an AFFAIR????? I find that hard to believe. I guess if he can manage 2 young ( sorry 2 not so young ) blondes he feels he can manage the country. Plus doesn`t he realize that the job ages you....Has he looked at Presidents Clinton and Bush coming and going and seen the difference?
If he looks like that coming what is he going to look like going?
The world really thrives on excitement..............By the way do we know that Bush is in Africa? Do we know that Bush is giving away MONEY in Africa?
OK folks.......THE DEBATE.......Did we win again? Even with the flu the boy is spot on.......Hillary got booed on the xerox joke. Oh dear........I guess it wasn`t funny!
That last comment that was so touching sounded like her goodbye speech..........But u now those are the comments she uses and gets the women to feel sorry for her and go out and vote.Don`t forget New Hampshire and her tearing up and what happened?
Though,when Bill says the writing is on the wall u know the writing is on the wall.....
Watching Condoleezza Rice saying, no, she won`t be in the running for vice president made me know for sure .....Hillary or Obama ,any one, and it can`t happen soon enough!
ENOUGH OF THEM! The Republicans,that is.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

HEALING WITH FOOD

U know the flu i just went through put me back on the food band wagon. A three day flu wasn`t too bad, normally it takes 7 days. So i guess my new diet does work.
90% of the food we buy in the supermarkets are processed....The USA Food guidelines have raised the recommended amount of daily servings of fruit and vegetables from five to nine.......How many of us have 2 servings of fruit and vegetable per day, much less five, MUCH LESS NINE?
PLUS fruit and vegetables are no longer what they used to be. Out of the 13 major nutrients in them, six have declined substantially according to Donald Davis , a biochemist at the University of Texas who (using data from the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture) concluded that recently grown crops have shown decreases of up to 38% in protein, calcium, vitamin C, phosphorus, iron and riboflavin when compared with produce from past decades. The cause seems to lie in the new techniques used to increase production. FASTER GROWN FRUITS DON`T HAVE AS MUCH TIME TO DEVELOP THE NUTRIENTS.
AS FRUIT AND VEGETABLES BECOME LARGER AND MORE PLENTIFUL, THEY PROVIDE FEWER VITAMINS AND MINERALS.
Another thing i have noticed is that we really need to rest especially when we have the flu...i haven`t had the flu in a year and a half and a good night's rest last night certainly helped. They say we need 7.5 - 9 hours of sleep each day , i always get by with 6,well last night 8 hours did me fine........I have also found out that our brain produces the hormones and enzymes essential to regulate every body-system during sleep ...can u imagine that? I have friends that don`t sleep for days and claim all is well. They stay up all night then go to bed at 9 in the morning and get back up at 12/1 pm ...........they won`t last.
When cells aren`t given the chance to regenerate during sleep, pre-mature aging, wrinkles,and a lowered immune system is the result..........AS MY GLYCO PEOPLE TELL ME.....IF U CAN`T SLEEP U CAN`T HEAL.

Monday, February 18, 2008

FLU

What a time to be misbehaving when my tests are scheduled ......blood work and sigmoidoscopy.....I should have been toeing the line to make sure all is well instead i had the roughest week.....family came down for a week so i had a wonderful "Naiyah time"..she now knows her grandma and calls her to help her when mommy and papa not giving her her way and she associates grandma with fruit which is as it should be. We spend our mornings eating fruit.............
well long story short,my son is a carnivore with me kicking and screaming all the way, but although going with them to the jerk pork stands i did not succumb but i was still off my schedule due to the up and down......got in lots of greens though.......There is a virus going through Jamaica , every other person has the flu.
Yep no test. Sick as a dog. I notice though it didn`t hit me like it hit my son . He had fever of 102 degrees......I have yet to succumb to that.
Of course i tell him every time i talk to him that it's the pork................
I tell him his immune system was lowered because of the pig so the flu came in. He`s too sick to take me on, and ask me what's my excuse ......
My immune system is already compromised so this is not good for me....and i have been misbehaving and not taking my glyco properly so if u can`t hear u feel!
As i go through life ,the importance of proper nutrition is proved to me every day.2 years ago i would take some flu medicine to get through the seven days. Today i realised i have not even an aspirin in my house.........we`ll see.
My younger son is making my green juice for me right now, let's see if i can fight this with green juice evenings and fruit juice mornings...........
New day feeling 80% , i guess green juice does work a little manna c glyco works too..........
not well enough to do my tests but feeling much better. I will be going full speed ahead with proper eating and taking my supplements before Tuesday.....stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

NOTTING HILL FOR VALENTINE'S DAY

Today I watched NOTTING HILL for the umpteenth time , and I cried for the umpteenth time.........What a spectacular love story. Not only the one between the main characters played by Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant , but the one between the woman in the wheel chair and her husband who lifted her everywhere (I've watched that movie so many times and still don`t know their names) how fabulous is that? Their love was palpable.
The music is also tear-jerking especially in that last scene at the press conference. I can watch that daily....
Notting Hill also has the greatest line from a romance movie (my opinion)
"I`m just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her," oh lord.
Sorry its on again. I have to go and watch again.........
2 times in one day..... ( I started writing this on Sunday)
What great music! Funny too! And absolutely believable. Thank u father all is well in the world.
What is it about love ?
I guess its because its the closest thing we have to magic ....People in love always make u feel good. It's great to watch whether in a movie or in real life......
Another movie that makes me cry and I watch all the time is YOU GOT MAIL. I don`t cry over sad movies , don`t watch them actually. I like to cry in "LOVE" movies.
Nothing like love they say to make the world go around...It's what makes life exciting, someone to share the good times and the crap with......And if u have found some one to make u laugh, wow! U have hit pay dirt.
The thought is always that u love the person u r instantly at ease with, but this movie showed the opposite is just as true........that bumbling clumsiness was what made u believe they had something real...........
YOU ARE MANIFESTING EVERYTHING GOOD IN YOUR LIFE , RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT AN EXCEPTION.
I look around me and see love of all sizes, styles and descriptions..........One thing i know for sure is if its too hype, it's not going to last, and all this goo-goo/gah-gah thing with the public hugging and kissing doesn`t mean a thing.
I have watched some of the quietest loves go on for the long haul.
My parents were married for 42 years when my father died. They had been together for 16 years before I came along. They were together 24/7 as they also worked together......fabulous love story. Thing about those fabulous love stories, one doesn`t do well without the other. My father died in 1980 and my mother, a very hearty woman, moped around, deciding life wasn`t worth anything without her darling Ken at her side........as nothing was wrong with her no diabetes , high blood pressure, cancer, heart disease, it took a while for her to will herself to join him but join him she did .......... I like to think they are dancing together now.
I used to tell her he had found a new girl and was having a great time (in the after life) she would smile and say "not Ken he`s waiting on me."
Love doesn`t take a lot of hoopla, it just takes real commitment, and knowing the difference between being IN LOVE and LOVING.......

Saturday, February 9, 2008

DOWN BUT NOT OUT!

As I write this i have been up from 2:30 A.M...why?
I got put out of the race for a few hours, put out and put down, and am paying a heavy price for it......Last night I went with 2 of my employees to have a drink .I had a margarita and fried calamari in basil sauce..why fried??? why alcohol??
I guess i`m just tired of being good, or tired of feeling good. I don`t know which, all i know is i`m sick as a dog.....A massive headache, which i never have as i believe there is nothing in your head to hurt u unless u have a brain tumor, and my stomach is sore.I FEEL AWFUL, TOTALLY OUT OF SORTS......
THE LESSON HERE IS THAT EVEN THOUGH I`M ONE OF THE DISCIPLINED ONES . IT NUH EASY!!!

Its now 4:30 P.M. LONG LOUSY DAY.......and i`m not 100% but trust me i`m about 85% back.
I have to thank live food and glyco nutrients and most importantly at 4am this morning NEO-LAX.
My holistic practitioners were not too harsh on me just reminding me that i have no colon to absorb toxins anymore so free radicals like whatever oil the calamari was fried in go straight to my organs so i can`t play around.
My live food chef wasn`t so kind, he was full of attitude and most upset but was quick to advise me on what to eat to get the alcohol out...
Ah well...why did i do that? I`m still trying to figure it out , it wasn`t that the food was good either and the margarita was not good at all, so why?
If i was going to be bad why wasn`t i bad with some jerk pork or jerk sausage?or stew peas with pig's tail? something i really miss. One of those huge sea crabs would have been worth it........why would i mess up with foolishness?
I think the reason is i didn`t think i was messing up ......I looked on the calamari and started to strip off the deep fried batter but i was doing that from a grease point of view not from someone who had colon cancer and who shouldn`t have it.........
Looks like i`m really believing nothing is wrong with me so i can have anything. AFTER TELLING MYSELF THIS FOR A YEAR AND A HALF I`M BELIEVING MY OWN PRESS............really?
But then I need to know that my new way of eating causes me to react quickly to anything not quite right.............AM I TOO CLEAN?
my people would tell me "u can never be too clean" so i give thanks.....take the lesson,go through the discomfort and what? promise it will never happen again?
I guess it's like smoking, hard to get over the hump, if u really ever get over it. It was explained to me that when u have "bad food imprints on your DNA" its even more difficult .
I need a good night's sleep tonight as that is something i`m aware of. No sleep = can`t function.....I can no longer take any kind of stress, MENTAL OR PHYSICAL
LEARNT THE HARD WAY TODAY

Friday, February 8, 2008

CANCER SENTENCE

Eeeek what does one do ? Last year they thought it was great that women were being proactive when they got cancer of the breast and taking off the other breast. Now they say they are being too aggressive and behaving as if they are in the dark ages, not being positive, not believing in themself see article from Washington Post : Choosing Radical Cancer Surgery
I`m confused......
They now say Aspirin helps colon cancer see NY Times article : Aspirin May Reduce Risk of Colon Cancer but u have to take the correct dosage over a long period of time..... remember it also helps your heart but u can only take one baby aspirin per day...... SO WHAT DO I DO? save my colon or save my heart?.....I`m confused.
Yesterday was Bob Marley's birthday and i watched a documentary last night that went through his illness and subsequent death at 36 years old. The people close to him says he dismissed the disease, and anybody who told him he should be doing this and that, in other words caring his body, he told them they were behaving as if they WANTED him to HAVE cancer. So he ignored it and went through one of the most stressful times of his life (remember his career had just started to skyrocket so everyone wanted a piece of him ). By the time he fell WHILE JOGGING IN Central Park, it was in his lung and brain so all the chemo and rushing him to Mexico couldn`t work .....IT WAS TOO LATE...
One would have said he was being positive in not taking on cancer and death.
It didn`t work.....I`m confused.
Reality is he had MELANOMA which is one of the fastest moving cancers. But shouldn`t he have been able to beat it with his attitude? And his belief in JAH? Plus he was a rastafarian, did he eat meat? I`m sure he was "ital".....And don`t they say weed is the healing of the nation? (although my gut tells me that holding in all that unfiltered smoke from those humongous spliffs must have aided and abetted the lung cancer).
Professor Randy Pausch has moved with his family to prepare for his death. He is LIVING TO DIE.....I find that so morbid though i guess it makes sense.....He is preparing himself and his family he says for the inevitable.....Don`t know how i could deal with that always hanging over my head. He seems to just be waiting on the final call.
He`s succumbing to the cancer sentence,it's a DEATH SENTENCE, why not choose life?
Isn`t it better to just say WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE and continue your life , fine tuning on the way since u DID get the warning.
I don`t know....... All i know is everyday they come out with another game plan and I`m CONFUSED!
I think I`ll continue with mine.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

VOTE OBAMA

Sleepless night, but getting up euphoric this morning.....Why?
OBAMA and HILARY of course..........
Isn`t it wonderful to see two bright people in striking distance of the prize? And isn`t it wonderful how young people are out in droves adding to the excitement ?
The sad thing is that in California half of the Democrats have already voted before this Obama surge so Hilary probably will win there , but I am excited to have both of them, plus Bill, having a chance to lead .......Whichever way it goes, the Democrats will have A GREAT TICKET.
Can u imagine if somebody like Obama wasn`t there, we would all be behind the woman. Now women are leaving the woman in droves but what is it?
What's the pull?
Is it because he`s cute? I don`t think so, he talks better than he looks.
Is it because he is mixed therefore the black skin is not too jarring to the eyes of narrow-minded people ? Remember we`re talking about America and not just New York and California, but middle America too......
Obama's wife, a major asset in his campaign, may be brighter than him. I would love to be a fly on the wall in their house during arguments. Although I`m sure she wins them all as he looks very laid back.
I think it's just that we are so GLAD to see bright people at the top instead of the moron that has been there for 8 years, so we get excited.
CHANGE IS REALLY THE MAGIC WORD.
Today I ask my American friends to do what Caroline Kennedy asked at that fabulous rally that she, Oprah, Michelle Obama and Maria Shriver had in California, she asked you to "STEP OUT OF YOUR LIVES AND INTO THIS MOMENT OF HISTORY."




On the other side , the spoiler Huckabee continues to run.....RUN HUCKABEE RUN!
Sorry about the war hero but lets face facts he is a bit OLD isn`t he? I notice his lovely young wife is always behind him . Is she there to catch him if he falls or is she there to make u look at someone young and lull u into believing he must be stronger than he is.
Romney is just too too excitable....not exciting!
By the way have u noticed that no one has cared or noticed Bush since this has started, and do u all realize that the election is still months away.....People are just relieved to get rid of a leader who can`t pronounce the word nuclear , so they are pretending he doesn`t exist..too funny!!!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

COLON CANCER

I have been wondering why now that we are being told that a colonoscopy can save our life with early detection of colon cancer.... why are so many people dying from it?
Should i ask how many of u have had a colonoscopy ? They are painless u know, and if i had had one i wouldn`t have had a DUKE C carcinoma. I had cancer when i was 24, how come i didn`t have one for 18 years? Would i be colon-less right now fighting with these small intestines that weren`t made to digest everything?
There were writings on the wall re: " u r in trouble girl" all kinds of signs were there. Since nobody was suggesting i had one, why wasn`t i insisting i had one.
TRUTH IS I WAS IN DENIAL....HOW MANY OF US LIVE IN DENIAL?
Or was it FEAR ,so i DENIED?
Trust me FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL, turns very REAL when u deny too long..........
I had a friend who had breast cancer and she didn`t go to the doctor till u could see her breast coming.For her to get away with it for so long ,she must have had some clever moves to keep it hidden.She had a husband and big children, and tons of friends ,but by the time everyone realized what was happening it was too late.
Can u imagine how paralyzed with fear she must have been ?
Well i don`t know about the breast, but cancer of the colon means u and your bathrooms are friends. Your bowel movement changes and usually u pass blood in your stool.
The first time i did, this time i didn`t, so it was easy to tell myself that this time it's not the same, so its not cancer.....Last time i lost weight this time i didn`t, another way i could deny......
The last time i had pain when i ate, this time i had pain when i ate certain things....another denial....last time my bowel movement stank to high heavens this time it did too. I told myself all meat eaters bowel movements stink so i need to eat more vegetables. For every symptom i had an answer...
BOTTOM LINE IS......WE DON`T WANT TO KNOW!
When u get the news u can`t avoid it anymore but till then u can pretend its not happening......Come on I had cancer of the colon.......cancer of the bone....... lumps in my breasts. I`m totally cystic, on my ovaries and other places that shall remain nameless. U mean I had no idea I should have a colonoscopy?
I had major stress in the late 1990`s ,I had all kinds of daily stress that life presents, my diet was more protein than vegetable.
What made me think i wouldn`t be touched by cancer again?
Truth is i just didn`t want to know, and as long as it didn`t trouble me, I wasn`t going to trouble it.
Spiritually i can say I wasn`t going to put Cancer out in the universe.THOUGHTS BECOME REALITY SO I`M NOT GOING TO THINK ABOUT IT........i`m not going to claim it.
Fine.......so don`t claim it,but when i`m in denial does my subconscious mind deny too ?
The sensible thing is, do all the preventative things that u know needs to be done so it doesn`t claim u........
DON`T WAIT!
DENIAL.....FEAR........WHATEVER U WANT TO CALL IT....
TROUBLE IT BEFORE IT TROUBLES U .

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Time to say goodbye

When time is of the essence. Do we use it carefully?
Do we use it wisely? Do we use it for love or do we use it to quarrel and be right?
Lately I`ve been wondering when on borrowed time why do some people use it badly ?
Sending ill will. Not walking away from chaos. Taking on fighting and quarreling and not stopping to smell the roses...........
HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE ?
Isn`t that time supposed to be used to make love not war.........
Isn`t it supposed to to be a time when u turn inside and whatever u know in your gut is not right u try to do something about it ?
Time is promised to no one. We can literally be here today and gone tomorrow so those of us who get a warning that we might not be here next year , we need to heed the warning and clean up our act.
Another thing we do is use our minds negatively - unconsciously.
Today I was on my usual long drive and TIME TO SAY GOODBYE by Sarah Brightman came on.......That song has to be one of the most beautiful of all time
Last year this time I couldn`t hear it enough, it is on every playlist on my ipod.........It is the song that i wanted to start and end my funeral........I was obsessed with my funeral being a celebration done my way...i sit in so many funerals that so DO NOT represent the person who it is for that i wanted to make sure mine represented me.....
Well ONE YEAR LATER MY FAVOURITE SONG IN THE WORLD CAME ON AND I COULDN`T LISTEN TO IT. I have never clicked forward so fast while driving .............Then it came to me.......Here i was, doing something i`ve always preached against .
I was guilty of calling NEGATIVE things to me.......
I was guilty of NOT BELIEVING IN LIFE.
So although i always thought i was a positive person, i was being positive about the wrong thing. U can be positive that u r broke just like how I was positive that i was sick.......I remember my closest friend saying to me "i don`t like when u say i`m sick or when i was sick"....Back to words determining your future, be careful how u use them.
The feeling that came over me on hearing that song, made me realize that I now truly BELIEVED in LIFE..........
DEATH was no longer the focus of my life..........
I realized that although i was in the fight of my life, i never really believed i could win.......
Winning is a mind thing. So obviously as I put in all the right moves for the fight, my mind also changed.
I learnt to use my time wisely.
Whether u survive a year or a day its HOW u survive ,your state of mind that makes u a winner,not the length of time.
Why prepare for what u don`t want to happen? Why prepare for death in the middle of life? Put your focus elsewhere........
I did , and now one of the most beautiful songs sounds like a death march to me ..........I don`t want to hear it....It will stay as the opening and closing of my funeral.....then I will certainly enjoy it.