"AHA" MOMENT

While having a discussion on-line with my ex-sister-in-law ON THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS ,it came to me that WE ALL HAVE FORGIVENESS ISSUES, SOMETIMES SO CLOSE,THAT WE DON`T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT....my major forgiveness issue is with my MOTHER......I didn`t realize this until one day my minister and i were talking and i told her i had a fantastic childhood and she told me that i couldn`t have,I asked her why and she said, your first memory was rejection (mother giving u up) so although u think u had a fantastic childhood your life since shows you have rejection issues,she asked if i wanted her to help me work through them,and i said yes and she sat down and explained how i had acted out my rejection issues .....It blew my mind as i could see all the SETTING UP MYSELF FOR WHAT I THOUGHT WAS CERTAIN REJECTION I HAD DONE THROUGH MY ENTIRE LIFE .......plus i had watched enough "oprah " moments to know that most of our adult issues were caused by childhood moments ,some we have no conscious memories of .............But they r there deep in our subconciousness.
As she went through moment by moment, issue by issue i had such an awakening, and i must say it
helped me on my path to understanding why i reacted in a certain way to certain things....... now there was a reason and to KNOW is everything, as once the fog is cleared from your path ,your journey is easier.
CUT TO THE REAPPEARANCE OF MY HEALTH ISSUES LAST YEAR........
I CALLED MY BIRTH(I was about to use the word real,but isn`t your real mother the one that loved and nurtured u through thick and thin?) MOTHER WHILE I WAS HOME RECOVERING FROM SURGERY AND TOLD HER,THE CANCER HAD COME BACK .........WHY I WILL NEVER KNOW, I GUESS REMANTS OF MOTHER ISSUES..SHE MADE A HUGE BROUHAHHA ,WITH MUCH EXCLAMATION ETC.AFTER THAT SHE ASKED DO I WANT HER TO COME?( BUT SHE DOESN`T HAVE A PASSPORT )OR DO I WANT TO COME (SHE LIVES IN FLORIDA AND REMEMBER I CAN`T TRAVEL)....is there anything she can do?......and the most important statement .
"I fell on my face last week"and launched into a long drama on how she fell while making her bed and her face is in a state ,she THOUGHT many bones were broken, and on and on and on and on........by the time she was finished that story,it was far bigger than mine....... There was only one word to say .....GOOD-BYE.
WHAT A RELIEF......THE LESSONS.....
1)FORGIVE....... she is operating from her level of consciousness,so why have her up in your heart?and if somebody contributes NOTHING TO YOUR LIFE, U DON`T NEED THEM IN YOUR LIFE...........I had a wonderful mother and father, my adopted parents,the reason why I had such a "wonderful childhood" and i have great memories so ............ I needed to move on ..........
2) I had to see the positives..........She gave me up for adoption,INSTEAD OF SEEING IT AS REJECTION OF HER NOT WANTING ME I HAD TO TURN IT AROUND TO HER LOVING ME SO MUCH SHE WANTED WHAT WAS BEST FOR ME THEREFORE SHE GAVE ME TO A COUPLE WHO COULD GIVE ME WHAT SHE WAS UNABLE TO GIVE ME ......and what was that?
LOVE AND AFFECTION.... STABILITY, AND A LIFE THAT SHE COULDN`T OFFER ME THEN........As a young woman just starting out and having a baby for a married man who wasn`t supporting her she didn`t have a lot of options ...I listen to a lot of people who say if they have a child no matter what, they r staying together even if they have to be sleeping in the bus shelter.......yes love is everything,BUT HOW MANY OF US CAN GIVE LOVE WHEN SLEEPING IN A BUS SHELTER WITH CRYING HUNGRY CHILDREN.......
THINK ABOUT IT!
yes i`m talking to me...............